A post from my page at Facebook - Link is www.facebook.com/DV869R - all my posts are usually spontaneous - but my heart, mind, and soul goes into each and every one! Thank you I hope you enjoy it. Marija Cairns xx
Asleep ----
This is a spontaneous post...
Falling asleep I dream, restless and weary I lay my head. The pillow soft and deep, my head sinks further and further until it moves no more. My head rested, my body still, my mind awake as I drift, being pulled into the darkness. I fight, that's what I do, I want to rest, but don't want to sleep for fear of dreaming, dreaming of you. Yet as I lay quiet not making a sound, I am still and seem at peace, I think of you. I don't want to see you, I don't want you to think of me, or see me, feel me or hurt me, but I know you will. Restless is my mind, body, heart and soul as I think of you alone in my bed. I think of you as I lie to myself and, tell myself - I don't want to. But deep down I know it's not true, I do want you, I want to see you, I want to feel you, I want you. I want you to see me, feel me, hear me, and I want you to think of me as I think of you. I wonder what it is that makes me see you, think of you the way I do? It's not rational, it's not fair and, I know that although you are no good for me, you consume me. You overtake my thoughts, you control my body and, you have me at your will. You have me so well, so fully, so completely that I would brake in your hands and, fold under your control. You would will it and it would be, you could bend me and, I would be shaped for whatever you will or desire wishes or wants. I crave you so intensely that I feel like I am starving, I hunger for you, but I never feel full nor satisfied with what you give me, as you give me nothing but bits, and pieces nowhere near enough. And I know deep down you know that, you know what you do, you know how you have me, how you bend me, how you starve me from you. I also know you do feel me, you want me, you crave me so much so, that your hunger burns deep within you, burning up your soul, heart, mind and body. You want more and more, the more you get the more you crave, you want it badly, yet it angers you. You're angry at me, at yourself for letting me affect you the way I do. You fear me yet you don't want me to go away, you want me to stay, you would see me stay with you for eternity if you could. You become wild and crazy with the idea of being with me, yet without me you would suffer and surely die of thirst. You thirst for me, as a quench something inside of you that you can not drink, nor can you taste anything but me. You curse my name out loud looking to the sky, then as you close your eyes you feel it - you feel that chill up your spine and a heat in the pit of your stomach as you tense and breath. I thought of you in that moment as I closed my eyes and cures your name, I felt you, I felt you deep within me as the heat spread throughout me, my stomach tensed, and the thought of you made me hungry again. You thirst as I hunger - we are somehow bound - bound to each other - I feel what you feel - I feel you, I see you, I need you, and yes I admit it I want you! Are you happy now? I ask in my own head as I admit it, I admit it and I find myself not caring what the world has to say, what you have to say, I only know what i feel and what I want, and I want you. Again a shiver deep and warm - I know it instantly, you just thought of me as I admitted I wanted you. Did you feel what I felt? I wonder to myself - I get the answer before you reply - Yes - Yes you do and, yes you will you say. I know it before you say it, I know you will hurt me but, somehow I just don't care. I fear it and know it to be wrong, I should care, I should damn well care very much, but I don't want to be without you - I don't want to, why should I - I can't - I won't - I don't want to! It's unfair, I don't want to feel this way, but I do. Even in my sleep you burn for me, and call me to you. Of course I come to you willingly and over joyed, but yet as I approach your fear pushes me so firmly away from you that I fall. I fall looking at you from the bottom, from down here I look up at you and I see it in your eyes. The fear and pain, the want and need, the completeness in the way you want me, yet you fear yourself. You don't want to hurt me, not this one! You say in your head. You look at me pained with tears in your eyes, I smile for you knowing you hurt and, I would do anything to not hurt you. I reach out to you my hand, you grab my hand but you do not lift, instead you fall weeping to the floor. You have fallen, you fall into my lap as you lose it with grief and curse my name. My tears fall from my eyes, over my lips I taste your hurt and mine. I don't want to hurt you, but yet I know I will. Look at me I think it but don't say it for fear of opening my mouth. You move so slowly as your eyes hit mine, they lock, ignite and that is all it took, to see you, for you to see me, we see each other and eternity is not long enough! For you have me, you had me, you always will - I have you, you are mine and I am yours - eternity is forever and forever starts now...
Thank you, I hope you see me, hear me, and take the time to want me as much as I want you! xx Marija -
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